Sketch a day 217/365

What can I tell you about today? I felt very tired this morning so took some time off to try and regulate things (because getting very tired is no good for me, as I manage long COVID). But while the break was great. Once I did start work I was just really behind and then some unexpected stuff came in and that's when the whole day kind of melted and slipped off the plate and I was in freefall.

I won't bore you with the details. All that needs to be known is that it's been intense and long and I feel very tired and uncertain about what I am doing. I think there is an extent to which this is normal. There is always a panic when the feeling of ‘oh my god, is this going to be good enough’ strikes. And its a wave of nausea that has to be ridden.

So perhaps it's a bit of that?

And perhaps it's a bit of feeling like I am having to learn very fast about the realities of production. That as a writer I have been quite cushioned from lots of things that make making work and putting it in front of an audience happen. But it feels like it isn't just these things. Perhaps it's also something to do with making work in a time when I have to manage fatigue crashes. That does make it feel more scary. Perhaps it's also making work when there's money and we are grateful for it but there isn't quite enough and that causes intense prolonged stress. And that's not anything that anyone in theatre isn't experiencing right now. But just because it's not unusual doesn't mean it isn't hard. It is. It's all a lot. And of course there is the fact that I also have responsibilities elsewhere.

So yeah. Today has felt like a LOT.

Here we are.

That's as it is.

Tomorrow is coming fast and I got to this moment and I thought shit. Draw something. And I didn't think I even had time to fanny on with my digital app. So I grabbed some post it notes and slapped them down on my office desk and did a - no lifting the pen off the paper, one continuous line - drawing of my own, knackered old face.

That's all I've got.

Sleep well friends.

That's the news