Alliums

Sketch a day - Day 129/365

I have been feeling so many emotions today.

Strung out across time and place.

The day started with seeing a message that made me really fearful for a dear friend. As it turns out that dear friend is absolutely fine. But the relief, when I discovered this was intense.

This rollercoaster of emotions, wired up to the world by my phone, before the day had even really started.

And then the relief, followed by that strange empty hollow feeling I often get after a thing (anything) has occurred.

And how often that leads me to reach for my phone again.

Which then pours me into a tide of social /not so social media. The absolute bombardment of pains, joys, fears, distraction, the mundane, the fabulous, the vilification, hopes, dreams, and pure sense too,; trying to be heard above the noise.

The Kafkaesque-mocha-choca-sundae surprise of knowing that any additions we make, in the hopes of adding to sanity also add to the noise.

The anxiety of deciding to do the MAP stride challenge and hoping that I will reach my target and then checking and seeing I have already had some amazing people donate. Some of whom have done it anonymously, so I can only thank from afar.

The huge wave of thanks in my heart to them.

The sudden fear that whatever we give or don't give it is not enough.

And then the slap in the face of knowing I have to do it now. No fucking turning back.

And while I am thinking about all of that I am also chuntering away, thinking about work, the play, the company, the challenge. The CHALLENGE of all of this.The joy and fear of understanding all of this.

Then a cup of tea. A cat cuddle. A sitting in the garden and watching the alliums appear within the mayhem of our severely chaotic patch. And the desire to draw and draw and draw.

I didn't realise it until this moment, that these beautiful crowns of colour, amongst the waywardness? They are the most perfect illustration of this moment in time, in and outside my head and heart.

And that's the news.